Communication Miracles for Couples is a wonderful book written by Jonathan Robinson. In this book he shares tools which can create communication miracles in your relationship.
Robinson believes that we all want the same thing:
Acknowledgment, Appreciation and Acceptance
These three ingredients convey love between two people. If you provide acknowledgement, appreciation and acceptance to your partner, they will feel more loved. In turn they will also feel more loving towards you.
When couples are having relationship troubles the blame game is usually played. One blames the other, resulting in blame being redirected back out of self-defence. This creates a no win cycle. A cycle where neither partner listens to each other.
If your partner has come to you with a grievance, then Robinson suggests the first step is to acknowledge your partner’s experience of you. (This is not the same as agreeing with them). This validation of their experience, without blame kicking in, allows your partner to feel listened to, and understood. It is only from there that open communication, increased intimacy and a decrease in conflict can result.
If you are having issues in your relationship, or would like to create greater emotional intimacy, make an appointment for relationship counselling with Bronwyn at Your Path Psychotherapy and Counselling, in her rooms in Remuera, Auckland.
Robinson, J. 2008. Communication Miracles for Couples, Conari Press, San Francisco, USA.